Pamela Costilow
Pamela Anne Harris Costilow of Apex died at home on Wednesday, June 3, 2026 after a two-year battle with leukemia. She was surrounded by her family in the moments before her death. It was such a special moment to be able to hand off the one we loved so dearly into the hands of the Father! Pam was the younger daughter of Robert D and Barbara Ann Harris. Pam (or Grammy, as she was affectionately called) leaves behind many who loved her dearly, including her husband of 43 years, Jim, her sons James (Emily) and Justin (Taylor), her four grandchildren Ruby, Justin Jr (JJ), Harris and Amelia (Millie), her sister Rhonda Evrard, her nephews Hamilton (Ashley) and Lincoln, and her great-nephew Liam and her great-niece Kaleigh Rose, along with countless friends and former coworkers.
Pam played piano and sang soprano in choirs and ensembles at Woodhaven and at Apex Baptist Church and she directed preschool choirs at both churches. After graduating from Apex High School in 1975 and Business School in 1977, Pam held a variety of jobs before landing a position at the Baptist State Convention of North Carolina where she worked in various capacities for 42 years. Pam became known as “The Queen Of Business Services” at the Baptist Building, with a stellar reputation for precision and speed in her work there. Her office was the gathering place for just about everyone who worked in Business Services—a place for laughter, tears, singing and prayers!
The true richness of Pam’s life was evident in her warm, caring personality and in the amazing love she had for her husband, her children, and especially her grandchildren. Pam had a sweet smile and sparkling blue eyes that would light up a room, with arms that were always open for hugs. Her home became the hangout place for many of her children’s friends as well as the place for regular family gatherings. Pam’s homemade lasagna (Jim called it her “slab o’ cheese” lasagna) was a holiday staple for family gatherings as well as gatherings with the crew from her office and gatherings of friends.
Pam loved music—gospel, country, hymns, and even songs by John Denver and Herman’s Hermits. Pam loved to sing the old songs, especially with her younger son singing along with her and her older son playing guitar. She kept up with her friends on Facebook. Friday nights for Pam included dinner with the Friday Night Ladies (and a few husbands along the way). After retirement, Pam devoted her days to being Grammy for her beloved grandchildren. As Pam’s health started to deteriorate, her activities slowed down a bit, and there were a lot more evenings spent sitting on the back porch swing with her husband, watching the bats fly overhead and listening to the night sounds in the woods behind their house, watching “her shows” on TV, and doing things with her grandchildren and friends whenever possible.
Pam lived a beautiful life filled with love for her family, her friends, her church, and God…her life touched so many of us in incredible, unforgettable ways. Her beautiful smile, her warm hugs and her sweet voice will be greatly missed.
Pam's family will receive visitors on Monday, June 15, 2026 at 11:00 am in the Fellowship Hall of Woodhaven Baptist Church, located at 4000 Kildaire Farm Road in Apex, North Carolina. A service celebrating Pam's life will begin at 12:00 pm in the church Sanctuary.
Following the service, burial will be held in the cemetery at New Hill Baptist Church, located at 3700 Old US 1 Highway, New Hill, North Carolina.
Friends and family are invited to join in celebrating Pam's life and the love, kindness, and joy she shared with all who knew her.